The High Price of Petrol

This says it all:

Birthday Wishes to Self

So tomorrow I turn another day older, and celebrate growing a year older.
I used to have a yearly tradition of sitting down with a notebook and pen every New Year's Eve, and writing out all the things I'd like to accomplish over my lifetime. Some things were easy, like brushing my teeth three times a day, or getting my hair cut every three weeks. Other things were much harder, like becoming independently wealthy by a certain age. Somethings never change, but I quit writing that list a few years ago. It had stretched over time onto four or five lined pages, every line filled. I wrote, of course, in complete sentences, because how could these things come true unless I wrote them in present tense?

Today, I choose to include this new Birthday Wish List in honor of those gone by:


Invest in my continuing education
Take an art class
Express my creativity more frequently
Develop a better relationship with my family
Own a state of the art computer system
Take an NLP seminar
Have Lasik eye surgery
Have laser hair removal
Become physically fit and workout regularly
Watch the sunset
Become an early riser
Host parties for friends
Write poetry regularly
Take a photography class
Earn $80,000 annually in career
Find my own spiritual path and practice
Spend time with Pat & Debbie
Travel to Austria
Learn Spanish
Learn German
Go white water rafting
Become a NLP Practitioner
Take some cooking classes
Travel to Australia
Purchase a brand new vehicle
Be financially comfortable
Learn how to refinish furniture
Take a course in graphic design
Take a course in interior design
Own my own business
Take a course in industrial design
Adopt children
Become financially independent
Own a 5 bedroom house in the Southeast
Own quality home furnishings
Travel to South Africa and go on a safari
Travel Europe
Hire a maid
Hire a groundskeeper
Contribute large sums of resources to charity
Have a double walk-in shower
Become an "expert" photographer
Own a cabin on a lake
Write a book
Set up a scholarship foundation for the education of poor adults
Initiate and maintain a legacy for my children
Own a ranch house in Montana
Host writing seminars
Learn to pilot a plane
Become a consultant/life coach

-t.

Happy Birthday boy, may all your dreams come true!

On Family and Growing Older

There are times when I feel that blood really isn't as thick as water, and family is really the people we surround ourselves with. I'm not proud of our family as a unit, and there are definitely siblings I have a hard time wanting to connect with.
So it was amazing to me so be able to sit down and have an adult conversation with Dad while I was in Denver for Grandma's funeral. When I got kicked out of the house, I had a hard time (I'm trying to write this without thinking to much, so that I don't go back and erase some things...I hope it makes sense) having any respect for him, and I have never much pictured him as a father anyway. What I feel mostly now is pity. I've stopped trying to gain his love or approval, and I've released myself from any expectations of or from him. I say that, because that is what allowed me to sit and talk to him. I didn't talk to him like he was my father, because truly, he never was. I sat at the table in the kitchen one morning as an adult and talked to him as an adult.
I don't know why I started talking about this, but it must be what's on my mind, and I'd like to get it out. I've only really talked to Christian about it, and he doesn't really understand all of our family dynamics. Anyway, I told Dad that while he may or may not get forgiveness from any of his children, he will probably never get their respect. I also told him that it was unfair of him to expect either forgiveness or respect from any of us. I was pretty blunt with him, and when he 'played' the God forgives card, I didn't hold back. God is a truly amazing being, who is capable of complete forgiveness. We're human, and to forgive is divine. No, didn't say that, I was much more to the point. We may forgive in time, but we will never forget, and just because we may forgive doesn't mean that what he has done and not done does not have everlasting effects on each of our lives. You know, I don't think I could pity him anymore than I did at that moment. He is a shell of a man who doesn't have any significant relationship with any of his children, and he doesn't have anything to offer except his biological relationship. That saddened me, but it also gave me hope.
I have so separated myself from family, mostly because of what it meant, and that is exactly what he has done. Obviously, because of two very distinct issues, but in some sense, the same.
Anyway... I'm tired of keeping family at bay. I don't believe that we will all become the 1950's family that I would have liked. Yet still, family is important, especially as I get older.
So, I choose to connect, and in some cases, re-connect; regardless of what that means, though hopefully it won't be a rehashing of childhood wrongs. God, will we ever get over that?!
-t.

Weighing in on the War in Iraq

I remember watching the news on September 11th, 2001. I was glued to the television for hours, calling my friends who were stuck at work, unable to leave. I believed that a military response was necessary to the horror that has become forever glued in my memory.
For a moment, I even thought that perhaps President Bush was more capable of handling a military response than the Democrat I voted for. I was all for going after Bin Laden, and I believe we'll never know all that transpired in our country that particular September day, nor will we ever know all that has transpired since, in the name of protecting the Homeland.
Our civil rights have eroded in the name of security, yet most Americans don't feel any safer now then we did four years ago. Personally, I feel less safe. I think our airports and some of our transportation systems may be safer, but you have to admit, (if you are well read, and listen to more than just Fox News,) we are at war in Iraq because of a lie construed in the back rooms of government offices both here and in Britain. The conservative media calls me and other thinking people traitors because we believe that our calling this war illegal will cause acts of terrorism in response. What a sad nod to our fading democracy, once the light that shined freedom to the rest of the world. Is it no wonder that so many of our allies were wary regarding our entry into this war against Iraq? Our President knew there were no weapons of mass distruction in Iraq before he misled the United States Congress into giving him the power to declare war. I feel ashamed of the way our country, once the proudest nation on Earth, has handled itself during this President's administration.
We have an arrogant President who sees any apology or acknowledgement of wrong doing as a personal weakness. There is no strength in being unable to admit one's shortcomings.
And so his poll numbers continue to drop. Doesn't anyone else notice? My final thoughts are actually someone else's. I hope they don't mind.
-t.

When a man is wrong and won't admit is, he always gets angry.
Thomas C. Haliburton

No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong.
Francois De La Rochefoucauld
French author & moralist (1613 - 1680)

I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conclusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleagues, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives.
Leo Tolstoy
Russian mystic & novelist (1828 - 1910)

One of the hardest things in this world is to admit you are wrong. And nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission.
Benjamin Disreali

So, I just got home from work a few minutes ago, let my two dogs run around for awhile, put them back into their crates, and here I am. I don't know how long I'll have to write before I have to go pick up C from his work-related party, but I thought I'd try to put a few words down.
Work was awful slow, I sent one employee home early because of her poor attitude, and closed the store without her. Peaceful.
Today, I talked to Tom about the city council trying to set up a gay business district. He reacted much like I expected. He didn't think the city needed one, and who wants a bunch of rainbow flags crying "We're here, we're queer, we're not going anywhere." Personally, I think it would be a great opportunity for someone to start a small business and market to the gay disposable dollar. I'm thinking a art/craft store like the one in Portland, OR. or a bookstore like the ones in D.C. I'd need to find some investors, but it could be the perfect opportunity to become self-employed.
I also think that a gay business district is a good idea in this small conservative town, so that the 6-10% of the population who is gay or lesbian have a place in which to feel safe. Thoughts anyone?

Welcome to My Life...

Since this is my first post on my life as a blogger, I thought I would blog a little info about myself, and what I'm going to be blogging about.
I'm a 30 something year-old male, a conglomerate of Native American/Hispanic - French/German heritage, born to Fundamental Baptist parents who think Jerry Falwell is too liberal, and if I had to label myself politically, I'd say I'm a "middle of the road conservative/liberal." If that bothers you, and you're not open-minded enough to keep reading, then don't bother to post here, because I don't have time to explain myself, or to argue with your politics, morals or values.
I am an independent voter who tends to vote for democrats, and I think our current President comes across as an arrogant divider rather than the uniter he promised to be.
I'll blog about anything and everything; politics, world events, the local scene, religion, movies, friends, work, working out (or not working out.)
I don't promise to always be interesting, but I will be honest. That you can count on...
t.