Java Mood and Random Thoughts

I'm gulping down the java tonight, from an oversized pale green coffee mug, laced just now with a touch of Amaretto. I've already drunk three cups with vanilla flavored creamer, but right now, when the mood to write struck, I decided to add a little mellow to my night.

I've sent some long overdue emails to my friends Chad and Suzanne and am listening to the eloquent sounds of Eva Cassidy. I feel like a bad friend sometimes because I let weeks go by without checking or replying to emails. Basically, I think i'm way to selfish with my time. To those of you who read this, I apologize... Again.

I really would like to develop more intimate friendships. It isn't easy online, and honestly, I'd have to like myself a lot more than I do in order to trust letting ya'll in. I know, it sounds awful, but in some ways, it's very true. I could blame my parents, but then, they accept responsibility about as good as I do. Talk about a chip off the old block...

I miss my friend Mandy. She went and changed her name, got married, picked up a new hobby, and we barely write anymore... ; )

More Random Thoughts:

Listening to the sound of music falling like the sound of your heart beating against my chest late at night when the sex is over and you're falling asleep. Your chest, now more manly than mine, yet almost comletely hairless, reminds me of our youth. It must be the amaretto talking, though it's barely a thimble poured into the coffee cup that started it all.

Random, like the freewrites I used to do, most of which are posted somewhere on another journal. Poetry too, like the 100 poems in 100 days I once wrote. Distance between then and now, and I'm a different person, you are too I think, though I don't even know if you're reading this, but still, I love you even more. Stronger than you realize, this heart of mine, when it beats for you, even now, just thinking of you in your own world, and I won't see you again until you cross the hall from your room to mine, but probably just to get another cup of java, rather than to stop and steal a stare at the man of your dreams, "nightmares" you jest... I like this life we have, though at times it's fraught with stress and lack. I smile when I think of you, and know that you do to.

I close tomorrow in my retail world. That a 2:00 to 10:30 shift, and then I'm back in at 8:00 a.m. No 4:00 shifts for me this week, and that's a relief, 'S' & 'E' got stuck with them. No worries though it's almost me bedtime... I wonder if I can sleep with all the coffee I've had. Probably.

Sweet dreams tonight to all who've read these lines. :)

-T